Friday 20 April 2007
Tomorrow
I leave at some silly hour tomorrow morning and wonder what has happened to the last four months. Everyday has been amazing, some challenging, some painful, yet not one day have I regretted coming here despite some of you thinking I am absolutely mad. I went to the salt fields today, they were so well designed, walking home in the sun I felt such a strong emotion for this place. I look at the ladies with many babies, the market men, the people selling postcards or anything in the plaza and my heart breaks. Somehow Peru has become home, and I don´t know why. I try to think of what I have learnt about life, about me, and I don´t think I have learnt anything, yet I have enjoyed all my days. I loved working with my kids, that are still being very naughty I hear...need to go back and sort them out. How I would love to. But it is time to move. I have been such a mess this evening, trying to pack, which is becoming a nervous disaster. I tried to eat some chicken, instead cried, turned it into a take away and gave it to a man in the plaza who was in absolute heaven as it was still warm. That made me cry more! I have made so many lovely friends and I pray that they last beyond Peru. Inside I feel like a bundle of nerves that is about to fall apart, yet I know that I can´t, and I find that so hard, so hard to keep it all together. Just tonight, I wish someone else could pack my bags, someone else could sort out my life, that someone else could be stronger than me. I know that I will more than likely not see my kids again, or the people I have met here. The man from the market that gave me a necklace, the lady who chats like a bullet, the hostel owner that sings happy birthday, the taxi man that buys us oranges and bananas for our trip, making us realise we have paid far too much. The last four months have been so different, so welcoming, beyond what I expected. Tomorrow that ends, I leave, and despite working in Santiago for a week, I know that it won´t be the same. Tonight I will try to stay awake as long as I can, think about the memories that make me smile, the ones that make me laugh and I will also try to think about tomorrow and the friends I am about to see. Maybe tomorrow will be a good day, maybe it will make me smile, maybe all I will do is cry, but tomorrow is tomorrow, and I will think about it all tomorrow.
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2 comments:
What an amzing and heart felt goodbye - no love declaration could be more beautifully described and say what is in your heart...what a treasure you have to keep! And believe it or not you have learnt or perhaps done is better word, of sharing and let us all experience the wonder of you and your trip.
Thank you:-))))
Rosi
we are a little mad in one way or another, thats the good stuff - how we are mad and how we show it and let it breath. if the world doesn't like it, well then they can just kiss off! it's our madness, and that madness opens our minds and our hearts, and at the same will close them just as fast if you do not watch out.
as for learning anything, you can bet your sweet toosh that you learned something, and one day out of no where it will catch up with you and you will be frozen in time remembering what it is that you learned, the people you gave hope to, the people you made laugh because of your madness and the ones that have broken your heart only to make you even stronger and more loving.
these places are your home, they will never leave you and you will never leave them. but saying you will never see them again is a bold statement that I just can not believe in because you never know what awaits you around the corner until you turn on it and see....
it is a restless life that we lead that carries us to the far corners of the world, and even when we do sit down for second, we are still travelling to the far corners in our minds. just reading your writtings and sitting here back home, work (shhhh don't tell any one) makes me want to walk off, hop on a plane, train, automobile into the unknown just to touch that void and see what happens. and what happens next is always the the most imprtant thing since it is what is happening to you at that moment no matter where you are.
to hell with packing, sit for a while longer, soak in the memories for a moment more, laugh and cry and yell out to the world. then right before you take off, throw everything in your bag, anything that doesn't fit, it doesn't matter because the most imprtant things you are taking with you, you already have.
have many safe journies connie, the rest of your life is begining again. and you know what... it's pretty freakin amazing!
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