Applaud myself

SO.... who would have thought I would start a sentence with 'so'.  Becoming very North American... find that all hysterical, for absolutely no reason!

SO,... I am reading this book by Victoria Osteen, (Joel Osteen's wife).  To be honest I read it about five years ago, and have been meaning to reread it over the last year.  Finally I am there.  I have only managed the first few chapters, yet they seem to be timely in encouragement and need to share.

In her first chapter she mentions learning to applaud yourself.  Why did I not think of that one.  In the world of children, parenting, groceries, meals and that ongoing list of things I need to do... there seem to be many moments where that huge, gigantic feeling of being overwhelmed, feeling insecure, and losing it seems to take over.  That's when you APPLAUD YOURSELF

APPLAUD YOURSELF in the little things that you have managed; brushed my teeth, yippee do da, I brushed my teeth, I am amazing, I actually managed to brush my teeth. For some with young children, we can relate to the  DID I or didn't I?  Finding small achievements.  Writing the more memorable things down,  reminding ourselves that we can do it this time.  

Over the last year, I remember a few big things; running a ten km race, driving ten hours with two small children by MYSELF, flying 30 hours with two small children on my own.  Yes I can do the big huge things.  The little things from this week; inviting someone for dinner last minute, even though the food wasn't the best, making time to call someone, writing a letter to a dear friend, reading a story to my children as they smiled and joined in, managing to brush their teeth with no tears! What an achievement! I am AWESOME (so Canadian..)

Too often I huddle over all the things I haven't managed.  Today I didn't manage to vacuum, or clean the bathtub, or pay the bill that is waiting... or do any ironing,  clean out the car or put the toys away. (I guess I could be doing all that if I wasn't doing this..)  BUT the irony is, as soon as I think of all the great little achievements it seems to motivate me for the others that are still waiting.  

Yes I can, I can do this, that overwhelmed feeling is becoming slightly crushed by applauding myself with new accomplishments, appreciation that it has been a good day, and new memories that I wouldn't trade for the world. 

So here is to a new week of applauding, valuing and recognising what has been done.  Noticing the people of the world and having eyes to see the butterfly effect.  With that I take a bow, a curtsy and listen to the applause!

Welcome home

Well today is my last day in North America. Never have I felt more relieved to be heading through these borders.  On a plane home, even the sound of it makes my shoulders relax and my lungs filled with air.  Home.  Home.  Home.  Someone that knows my backbone, my story, who I am, where I come from and my origin.  

Some days are just so misunderstood.  Sacrificed days and passions.  A little less of me, a little more of everyone else.  A little less of home, a little more of a new culture.  Many think I am so " lucky".  Funny, I think the opposite.  It isn't that I am ungrateful, just sometimes overwhelmed with sadness that everything that has defined me from birth is so far away.   
Always stuck in the middle of there to here.   Never feeling rooted or grounded.  

I know that in Jesus I have a strong foundations.  Psalm 23 has been my mentor through the month of January; my shepherd, my provider, my comforter, my wisdom, my friend, my help.  Relying only on him for help and counsel.  Knowing that he knows every part of me and where I come from.  He knows my desires and hopes and dreams.  Perhaps this could be the hardest challenge of yet.  It's time I took responsibility. Responsibility of the longings inside me.  Too often we sit back and let the overwhelmed feelings of being known take over.  Perhaps it's time to take over them, putting Jesus in the centre of them and reminding myself minute by minute of psalm 23. "Goodness and mercy" "green pastures". 

Canada has been green pastures, despite absolutely not enjoying it initially, it has become home.  I don't know if it's forever, but it is home for now.  A place that my children are growing up in.  Their roots and their story.  

Flying home consists of two long flights, 14 hours and nine hours.  Somehow me and the girls will still be alive and social able to meet and greet people with smiles.  A deep longing in me to be home seems to greater by the minute.  The closer I get.  Hopefully these rose tinted glasses will not fall off. So blogger and readers, this is my journey from one continent to another, going home and lessons learned.  Maybe some entertainment, blessings and a few surprises.  

I think a perfect way to end would be to say, welcome home. 
Welcome home.  

A Wednesday Afternoon

Today, I left school early, walking to my bus at a faster rate than normal. Obviously walking to the bus stop faster does not mean that there will be a bus, or that one will arrive faster than usual. If anything, waiting time increases and you wonder if you had just missed one, or surely there must be one .....now? So I wait, and wait, checking the time, thinking it might rain, what have I forgotten, when a lady in her late forties wanders up to me. Well staggering would be a better description. She then touches my shoulders and kisses my check...yes these moments do happen to me. At first I thought oh no, but then inside something told me to just love her anyway. It was at that moment that I realise she was very very deaf, and had no speech at all. She signed various comments that i somehow managed to decipher thank you to Makaton signing during my supply moments. We also managed to have a conversation, I asked her where she was going, not sure what she actually replied, but I think home. She then thanked me for speaking to her, telling me that no one beautiful speaks to her.....It was at that moment that my heart broke, and every ounce of me fought to keep the tears back, despite my eyes welling over. I gave her a hug, and for a moment, the others at the bus must have thought....LOONY! I held her longer than I guess would be redeemed appropriate, but I could not let go. I watched her stagger down the street alone, with not much coordination or balance, and I thanked God for her sight. How sad to feel that you are not wanted, to feel that no one will want to look at you, to speak to you. How have become such a generation that allow people to think that is justified? So Wednesday became different, and somehow I am too.

What have I learnt!

Since being away I have learnt many things....but have noticed a rather alarming trend amongst the following...

1. have learnt how to use and credit my skype account
2. have begun to understand google mail and all it's features
3. Have learnt how to use a blog account
4. Have learnt how to upload photos
5. Have learnt how to use digital camera
6. And now have learnt how to use facebook...well almost

Am sure there are many more that run on this theme....wonder if it will look good on my c.v? Or sound good when asked in an interview...."What have you been doing over the last six months?" ... I wonder

Shopping in Singapore

Two big whims....

1. How am I supposed to save money when there are so many things to buy, buy, buy

and

2. How am I meant to lose lots of weight before returning home when the food is so good and so cheap!

Despite the two above mentioned complaints, I love it here. There is so much to do, see, and experience. Best of all I just get to barter till my heart is content, without much effort at all. Everything just tastes so nice, and I keep reminding myself that for now I should consider it a privilege as I am sure my diet back in London will consist of ....oats, popcorn and noodles! From Morrison's, or other similar priced supermarket.
I didn't expect to enjoy it as much here, and now am craving to find out more about it all. The buildings are just amazing...and did you know from east to west it is only 42km (about) crazy hey. Shopping malls everywhere, huge, wide, high shopping malls, with gardens, little rivers to cool off in and lots of shops, obviously. Everything is so clean and tidy and all precise. Have learnt alot about feng shui, and have realised why my life is such a disaster at times! Learnt about corners, structure, and always have two flowers in a vase....never one! And, for all the boys out there.....always close the toilet lid!
Have also managed to walk clockwise round worlds biggest fountain three times, clockwise...for all my wishes to come true!

A Normal Dorm Night

Thought I would write down the happenings of a good night in a dorm.....

• 11 pm Go to sleep
• 12:00 am Room mate walks in drunk, switches on light, looks in his bag and passes out on his bed. I get up and switch off light
• 2:30 am Next room mate comes in, drunk as well, opens blinds, closes window. Then opens blinds again, opens window. Unpacks backpack and then packs backpack. Finally goes to sleep, remembers to switch light off.
• 3 am Two American girls come home, yes, drunk, decide to make massive cheese sandwiches, wake up a couple of people, and I hear them being asked to be quiet, which causes a fit of giggles!
• 3:30 am Can't sleep now, am wide awake, take my duvet upstairs to big sofa with book and read
• 4:30 am Starting to feel sleepy and as I begin to drift off on comfie sofa, guy comes home and gets very very ill in toilet. Sounds are unbelievable. Few people wake up to see what is going on.
• 5 am Go back to my room to try and sleep
• 6 am My alarm goes off, time to get ready for a day of diving and swimming!

This is a good night! I can feel a need for sleeping tablets arising! Hostel though is lovely, one of the best so far in the land of Oz!

Wild life in the Rainforest

I finally made it to the rain forest, where it really does rain alot, especially in the early hours of the morning. Am living in a tent, and totally loving it! I have a mattress, sheets, and a light. What more could I ask for. There is nothing better than being inside when it pours down with rain. Or waking up in a hot hot tent, opening a window and feeling the cool air flow in and brush over you. Feel like I have finally found a home...yes it is a tent, despite the many criticisms and disagreeing looks I get, that a tent could never be home....but home it is, for a few days, when I return to backpackers sharing room delight!

Went to a natural national park today with Kangaroos, Koalas, Crocodiles and many many birds. Got to hold a Koala, slightly smelly, and heavy but so cute, felt like taking him home. Fed a few Kangaroos and their babes. Some were bigger than me! Really like the Curwley bird? Not sure about spelling. They stay together with their chick, until they have another chick and then.....they push the older one away, and he has to fend for himself. So yes have learnt a few interesting facts about birds. The Kookaburra was the first bird to learn how to eat a King Cane Toad and not be poisoned.....the facts are endless. Had some breakfast with parrots, magpie geese, and a variety of other birds, very entertaining. They sat on my shoulders, tried to nibble my food, and one even had some champagne. Obviously I still drank from the same cup, as not to waste...Named one Gus, short for Guts, as he attack any food or item he could. He even managed to take a pearl earring from someones ear! As I walked around, birds flew just a few centimeters above my head, and one seemed intent on aiming towards it. A saying of my dads floated into my head, being...."I think your bird needs some water" Where he would lick his finger and touch my forehead, symbolising my brain. This saying would usually come when I had a crazy idea, or just a very silly one. I thought how much my dad would love to be here, to decide which coloured bird was the perfect resemblance of my brain!

Today has really been one of my favourite days in Australia, the wildlife is amazing, I loved playing with the baby joeys and wallabies, watching them slowly creep onto my lap, positioning them self for a bit of food! The birds are just out of this world....Huge, colourful, and squawker loud. I am beginning to fear I might turn into a bird watcher!